If a tree falls on your parents' carport and you're too far away to hear it, say oh, 500 miles, how long will it take for someone to let you know?

Well it was Mom herself who finally phoned. They are fine. Could have been worse. Dad's van is totaled; they're not sure yet about Mom's car--can't go near the carport because it could fall down the rest of the way. Insurance said they'd pay to have the tree removed from the roof but not from the property. Lots of photos taken. Impressive crane and other machinery enlisted by the tree crew. Insurance companies can go suck toad urine.